Banana Nutrament

6/21/2005
Hassled by The Man

I decided to mosey on over to The Stone last night to catch this dude Jim O'Rourke. I really didn't know anything about him until Indeie posted this sweet track O'Rourke made in his old band. Then I found out he produced every Wilco album and I was all "whoa". I mapquested the venue and found out it was pretty close to me. Before I got there I dropped in on an old friend, some of you might know as Mr. C. This dude is a legend in the East Village because he's had his delivery service running straight for nine years without interruption. Translated into legal business years that would be like eighty dog years. I used to do some freelance work on the side for Charlie Chazz back when I rode a bike for Kozmo.com. One time I delivered a pint of Chocolate Brownie Fudge and an eighth of Alabaskan Thunderfuck to Ben Affleck. He was totally cool and invited me to hang out inside his apartment but then I got paged to deliver some DVDs. Anyway, Mr. C was glad to see me and we reminisced a little and I was on my way.

OK, so now for the show. When I got there nuthin was going on but I noticed three major rules:

No Alcohol Sales (lame)
No Cell Phones (schweet)
No Merch Table (whatever)

I got my hand stamped and went outside for a bit. I came back brown-bagging a Sammy Smith Nut Brown Ale but the Associate Music Curator caught me and made me pour it out in the street. When O'Rourke's set started everyone got real focused and tense so I just looked around with a smile beaming from cheek to cheek and lit up a fatty. I was forcibly removed by a guy in a black mock turtleneck and another dude ironically wearing a Don't Mess With Texas shirt.

Have you seen those Don't Mess with Texas t-shirts? What the hell is up with that tourism ad campaign? I Heart NY, Virginia is for Lovers, and DON'T FUCK WITH ME I'M TEXAS. I've got guns and I've been drinking bourbon all day. I just did a line of cocaine off an oil well spigot. I wear a ten gallon hat with a seven gallon hat hidden inside it. Did I mention I have guns? I don't like you Yankees with your lardy dar educations and fancy pantsbook larnin'. Don't mess with me man!

So I was hoping to do a review but I didn't get to hear anything. I guess to their credit they didn't call the cops or nuthin. OK, so I will just contribute some links that are burning up the Internet:


The Believer has a new issue out devoted to music. For eight bucks you get a CD of bands covering other bands and some schweet music criticism to boot. Y'know, the writing alone is worth the eight bucks so don't just buy it for the tunes.

CocoRosie - Ohio (Damien Jurado cover)
I'll be writing for these McSweeney's dudes soon enough

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One time I was at a BBQ in Park Slope and I was sitting on this table with these chicks and this guy who was totally burnt. Maybe he was just drunk but he started his story with, "Did you ever see that New Yorker cartoon..". And then he just hung on that as if we knew which one he was talking about. Then he said something else so I guess he was just gathering his thoughts. I was very tempted to shout "Yeah, I know the one!". Anyway, this guy at the New Yorker did a great piece on how recording technology not only shapes what we hear but how people perform music in the first place. Very cool stuff.


The Record Effect from the Magazine with the Cartoons

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This guy wrote a cool article on the death of mixtapes in a digital society where everyone is a douche dancing around with iPod buds in their ears. Yeah, I miss putting together a good mix where if you screwed up the pause you'd have to start all over.

High Fidelity from the Village Voice

That reminds me, years ago I sent my writing portfolio to this douche at the Voice named Robert Christgau. He sent it back to me with C- written on it. What a dick! He shall earn his comeuppance through the gift of song:

Sonic Youth - I Killed Christgau With My Big Fucking Dick

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I found the link below funny because it's so true how bands get hyped and then five years later you're all "who the fuck are they?"

Hype Goggles

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Last but not least is this Russian dude who is INSANELY AWESOME. He built a DJ rig out of two cassette tape players. I would love to get my hands on one of these. I could mix a '72 Morning dew into a '78 Scarlet Begonias and get all crazy on the decks. That reminds me, if anyone has crispy tapes from Bonnaroo, please e-mail me at nutramentgordo@gmail.com. I am a Maxell XL II-S man, but I have been meaning to upgrade to DAT for the longest time.

Russian cassette tape DJ