Banana Nutrament

9/30/2005
Need Someone to Stir the Drink

Apologies to our European readership and the more willowy music people that frequent Banana Nutrament, but the Yankees are a game up in the AL East and close to clinching the division title. But their mortal foe still has a shot -- back the Red Sox offensive juggernaut into a corner and it might explode with a longball hailstorm.

Baseball writers love to mythologize Yankee history, to the point where Yankee stars of old are ensconced in some sort of ghostly pantheon. All this Field of Dreams bullshit drives me nuts. Steinbrenner needs to stop living in the 80's and cease investing in pinstriped paladins. Why, Randy Johnson is just Ron Guidry and A-Rod an improved Dave Winfield. Not to disparage their contributions, but you'll never get an amazing deal with blue chips such as these. Just look at the ROI on David Ortiz what with the paltry salary he is locked in for.

The Yankees need to pick up a clown, a court jester. History dwells on the nobility of the Yankees, but that is only part of the picture. All the classic Yankee squads have had an oddball or malcontent who has acted as a sparkplug for the entire team. By offering nonsense and diversions he creates release from the weight of expectations and their winning history.

Examples?

Yogi Berra - Classic jester and accidental zen prophet
Phil Rizzuto - Goof around the clubhouse and beloved distracted sportscaster who would expound at length about the meatball sub he picked up on Arthur Avenue while on air
Ricky Henderson - Unabashed egotist and inventor of catching flyballs by snapping his glove behind his back for no apparent reason
Reggie Jackson - Incredible dick who could back up his boasts in the post-season

I was hoping Robinson Cano would get a bit of an attitude, but he seems to be going the strong, quiet route like the rest. In his prime,
Ruben Sierra was a holy terror, but he has matured into complacency. Maybe next year a rookie, or someone too young to know better, will come along and electrify things a little bit. Here's what I'd like to hear him say:

"Call me Abner Doubleday, because I invented the game."

"Curt Schilling is a first vote inductee into the Massengil Hall of Fame."

"And they give you cash, which is just as good as money"

"I'm the apostle of hustle, I got that gang gang dance. Listen to my Gucci Gucci bang bang."

"The Jimmy Fund is a pyramid scheme scam. Jimmy is 34 now, smoking weed in Barbados, and laughing at all of you."

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Bucky Dent was interviewed again in the New York Post about his 1978 winning playoff blast. Let's hope it doesn't come down to a Monday playoff game. Bucky was quoted as saying it's always a B name that ruins things for Boston. Bucky, Babe, Bernie, Boone, maybe this year it's Bubba Crosby's turn.

Banana Nutrament

Speaking of Bernie, we came across these quite competent jazz guitar recordings a little while ago:

Bernie Williams - Samba Novo
**Buy it at Amazon**

Bernie Williams - Dust in the Wind
**Buy it at Amazon**

Thought we'd check these for the novelty factor, assuming it a vanity project. Then we realized duder is signed to Verve. Labelmates include Herbie Hancock, Jimmy Smith, Astrud Gilberto, even the Brazilian Girls. Nice going, I guess he'll be plenty busy if does retire at the end of the season.