Banana Nutrament

11/01/2005
Moving Onward, Moving Forward


Things are changing in my life. Ever since my band's van got ransacked, I've begun to rethink some of my prejudices and start life anew.


Not only I have deigned to watch a reality TV show, but now I am actually going to star in one. It's "in the can" as they say, everything has been taped. Bound by a non-disclosure agreement, I am not at liberty to reveal which contestant won Deitch Project's Artstar TV. I will just leave it at saying apertifs with Jeffrey, Hermsy (that would be Hermann Nitsch) and Mary Boone is always faboo.

The next major change in my life is that I have actually bought an iPod. Some may gasp and wonder if I had to sell my complete mint Avant Garde vinyl box set just to come up with the money. No, I simply joined the vulgarians on eBay, and bought a used iPod nano.

I have two major regrets in doing so. First, this iPod is smaller than I thought it would be. It is so wafer thin that I'm not sure anyone on the subway can observe that I own one. Secondly, the dolt from West Virginia who sold it to me claimed it was barely used and in perfect condition. It clearly is not, as the display is quite scuffed and the hardware frazzled, it often decides to power off at a moment's whim.

Worst of all were the artist folders she had pre-loaded into the machine. These songs belong in a Guantanamo Bay torture chamber:

10,000 Maniacs -
during my halcyon college days, Natalie Merchant's voice wafting down the hallway used to induce daylong migraines
311 - don't know them
Barenaked Ladies - I think these are the hip hoppers who rapped about Kurosawa
Beetles - not a Negativland side project, the illiterate owner of my iPod just managed to spell The Beatles incorrectly
Blink 182 - don't know them
Charlie Daniels Band - they play this to get jazzed up before the NASCAR matches
Coolio - don't know them
Matchbox 20 - don't know them
Paula Cole - could this be that cowboy song woman?
MC Hammer - why have 2 Legit 2 Quit on one's iPod but not U Can't Touch This?
Olivia Newton John - some unreleased Xanadu soundtrack outtakes
Staind - don't know them
Toto - awful stuff loaded in, but I suppose their Sophie's Choice score is passable


Tony Conrad and Faust - The Death of the Composer Was In 1962
After removing the pablum that was sullying my iPod, I loaded Tony Conrad in first. Repeated plays revealed that some of the blacked out vertical display bars were slowly healing themselves.

Rhys Chatham - Two Gongs [edit]
I played this three times on the L train but no one seemed to notice me. Later in the day I realized the battery stopped acting up.

Brian Eno - Music for White Cube, Notting Hill, Feb 20
The coup de grace. Surely by now I can nurse this convalescing machine to a full recovery. I once interviewed to be Eno's personal assistant but all I got was a rejection letter and this editioned CD. Contained within are different streetscapes of digitally altered field recordings used in a gallery installation he put on at London's White Cube.