Banana Nutrament

Obey Your Brown Overlord

Why are you teenage pissants still trying to make Noise? It's become an art school arms race of eager youth masturbating with overloaded pedal effects and twisty snatches of frayed cables.

Stop the one-upsmanship and get over yourselves. Learn some Noise history. I've won already.

I don't do Noise anymore; I've fired everyone in my band Chaotic Evil and now only create work that investigates deep silence. I'm not talking about that pansy John Cage shit, everyone daintily holding their program notes with rapt attention. I create a silence so profound one could only imagine it by falling miles and miles down a bottomless well opening up into a terrible inky blackness. A dark void so awful and foul that if you were able, you would rip out your eardrums, for this silence has driven you mad.

In my post-Ethnic Slur / pre-Chaotic Evil days, I had a side project with John Olson called Jazz Hands. Only played one show, headlining NoiseCon '03 at Providence RI's now defunct Fort Thunder. We had all sorts of guitars, effects processors, and percussion laid out, but it was all just a subterfuge.

At the start of our set I slapped my bank of tone generators and proceeded to devastate the room. Olson couldn't handle the heaviness of what I was doing; later on he made up an excuse that he was trying to help out some blind chick, whatever. After he left the stage it was just me owning everyone.

Some of the staff of Other Music had driven up for the show but I had them on their backs anyway, all of 'em bawling like children. Aaron Dilloway (more like "ran away") sprinted out of the room, unsure whether to grab his ears or his colon. Pretty much 3/4 of the crowd was rolling on the floor clutching their sides like gutted fish. I remember standing there laughing, knowing that the Depends I had bought would keep me dry and secure.

It incensed me later on that those RISD Ritalin kids stole my secret magick and posted it online. Olson must have leaked it (no pun intended) after I refused to pay him his cut of the door. That web site has one of the Hz frequencies slightly off, but the basic concept is correct. I blasted so much brown noise that night that even the building's roof gutters discharged the leaves clogging them up.

I was getting a little nostalgic the other day, so I went to the Fort Thunder website. Found a few decent mp3s there too; these are just some things I liked after a cursory glance, go on and investigate, there's much more there:

ZZ Pot - Beat Box Bong
I was so pissed when they chose ZZ instead of me to do that Black Dice remix

Lightning Bolt - Race Back to Earth
some early 'eaviness

Defecation - Live FM Radio
(not to be confused with my band)

Forcefield - Second Annual Roggabogga Intro
pretty fine, even if it was just Biennial bait

USAISAMONSTER - The Lord is a White Man
tell it brother

Ninja Versus Wrestler - Session
sounds like Angus MacLise after playing too much Atari 2600

All the above are great listens; remember though, Jazz Hands (but mostly me) has pretty much won the Noise War. Unless some band figures out how to melt your face or something.