Banana Nutrament

6/30/2005
Siren Festival Breakdown

Everything has been announced except for perhaps a final band. Oooh, could it be Arcade Fire? Yawn.


Ambulance Ltd
Oh no, call me an ambulance, I just got dateraped in the bathroon of The Delancey and now
my hair is no longer jauntily askew.

Diamond Nights

I would rather listen to Star Jones make fat juicy queefs.

Morningwood
Too easy.

Quintron and Miss Pussycat
I own a theremin and a Tesla coil. You are a third rate dominatrix. Let's make crap music together.

Spoon
Just go to the retirement home and die already, you're stealing our oxygen.

Mates of State
For years now this sickeningly sweet couple has engaged in Cold War style brinkmanship of cute. Henry Kissinger needs
to teach them detente.

Brendan Benson
I hope
you contract cancer. Not that there is anything funny about cancer. But I will find it deliciously hilarious when Mercury Lounge throws a benefit to raise money for your chemotherapy and no one shows up.

Dungen
I waited patiently backstage at the Vice Magazine CMJ showcase to see you guys. Ryan McGinley kept bumping into me trying to get the perfect shot when you took the stage. You sucked because the bass player smoked too much pot and you even admitted it to the audience. Here's a litle primer: in New York City marijuana comes in a tiny little plastic box, is exorbitantly priced, and is extremely potent. You don't mix it with tobacco, nor do you share it with homeless people in the Vondelspark.

VHS or Beta
Like I'
m going to listen to Daft Punk clones from a Kentucky backwater. We all know VHS won. But they play their own instruments? It's organic, man.

Q and not U
Ian MacKaye and Dischord lost 35 cred points when they associated themselves with
you losers. And that's in addition to the massive point total Dischord hemorrhaged for selling out to Nike.

The Dears
Be a dear and shut the fuck up, you whiny bitches.

Nine Black Alps
Much like the Pete Doherty deal, the NME gets 20% of everything they earn.

Be Your Own Pet
Be your own one hit wonder that no one will remember next year. Oh wait, you don't even have a hit.


Saul Williams
I guess Gil Scott Heron is in jail for coke posession again, so instead we get this guy.

Detachment Kit
I hope you don't have children, for I shall be forced to hate them as much as you.


Why does Chicago get such a well curated summer concert fest while we get an eighth rate beer bash? And what is Chicago, the Home of Jazz? Funny, Kansas City claims the same thing. As does New Orleans. New York could care less about this accolade, for we are the Cradle of Rock. Why do the provincials get the Intonation festival? New York City is where bands are made, and we are the kingmakers. We dictate what some kid in Peoria will listen to three years from now. I remember giving The Killers a pass and now some girl in Salt Lake City is losing her virginity to Mr. Brightside right now. Why, just the other day I snuffed out Annie's career by writing an excoriating review of her Hiro Ballroom show. Do not trifle with us Village Voice, do not make us MP3bloggerati gods angry!

6/29/2005
Re: GIRLS! GIRLS! ATTENTION ALL GIRL ROCKERS!




Gilel Grupeeprathnosm
to anon-78823118
Jun 21 (8 days ago)


Hello, I am responding to ya Craigs Listing for hott rocker chickymamas. I am definitely down with Bloc Party, they're cool musics but I don't think any of them are sexy, too skinny for my taste, I need DAT AZZ, I like a man who is living large like Charles in Charge. I salt and pepper my mango, and I am punk like M.I.A., except my family is Sinhalese (she is on the other side cos she's Tamil). If I ever bump into her at Soho House I will have to Glock Rock her in the face DC SNIPA STYLEE. I ain't having none of it, sista. If you want I will have a beef with her and maybe it will get the band more coverage in the NME. I can play bass guitar, the snare drum, cowbell, recorder, and me mum made me practice sitar a bit but I am no Ravi Shankar. I want to make one thing clear, if I tryout for your band you will be paying me, not the other way round. The last time I joined a band all I got for $300 were crap headshots of me in front of fuzzy clouds and unicorns. Holla at me at and we will work dis shit out.

Peace in da Middle East,
Gilel







Gilel Grupeeprathnosm
to Marisa
Jun 23 (6 days ago)

Marisa,

Whuddup girl, thanks for getting back to me so quick. I cooked up this joint in my family's basement on my four track, make sure you play it on a soundsystem with good bass levels so you can hear the low end. It only took a few minutes and I didn't know what to play, so if you don't like it I can make another one right quick. If you want to hear a traditional song like London Bridge or Frere Jacques I can do that too. One warning tho, if you try to get Diplo or hire some cracker DJ to steal my riddims for a sample in one of ya songs, one day you will see me jump out the shadows and snipa vex you Halo Xbox Live stylee. No one steals from Gilel, not even my mother. I attached a picture of me, it's not as punk as I like, but I did pay $300 and that is the least embarrasing one. So I want to know when I come down and tryout for the band now. What should I wear?

Peace,
Gilel

Gilel in basement demoing bass guitar





No response.


Gilel Grupeeprathnosm
to Marisa
Jun 27 (2 days ago)

Marisa,

Wos shakin' girl? Long time no hear. Don't play yourself like dat, holla atcha girl.

Oneness,
Gilel




Gilel Grupeeprathnosm
to Marisa
Jun 28 (12 hours ago)

What kind of shit is dat? I think you iz like a racist, but not for skin color, instead for my age. You are like an age racist. I am only thirteen years old but I have the inna wisdom of Jah. I and I learned bass guitar only two years ago in Mrs. Spiegelman's music class and now am top ranking. I only contacted you because right now I could use a few bucks and I thought dis Spice Girls shit would be good money. Two months from now I go on tour with Dizzee Rascal and then I will get mad paper. I need to know the name of this band you are putting together so next year if I bump into them at Glastonbury I can cut they fucking throats.

Angrily,
Gilel



Lady Sovereign - Cha Ching (Cheque 1 2 Remix)
This is my favorite joint offa dat Grime compilation, get it here
Lady Sov plays Knitting Factory in NYC on July 13th


Link to this post
6/28/2005
Gang Gang Dance on Page Six

Let me preface this by stating that I do NOT read the New York Post. I wouldn't even wrap fish in it. But someone in my loft building ripped out this page and tacked it to my door yesterday:




I can't believe Leo was spinning and I wasn't told. And why doesn't Gang Gang Dance get a boldface?
sixseveneightnineten ELEVEN TWELVE

In my record digging I came across something astounding. I saw on a list that Larry Levan had remixed something from a certain Cookie Monster. I wondered what 70's group that could be, maybe some sort of forgotten Latin flute jazz soul group? Maybe a second rate MFSB? Then I started to get the shivers when I realized he had remixed the very one and only Cookie Monster from Sesame Street! At that point I knew I had to get my hands on it, and though I ordered it I knew I couldn't wait a week and a half, so I fired up every MP3blogger's dirty little secret. The "C is for Cookie" remix is a fine one, falling somewhere below his better remixes but interesting enough to keep in the back of your head. The cut before it though, truly jaw-dropping and utterly unexpected. "Pinball Number Count" will have pretty much give every adult raised in the Western world during the the '70s or '80s wracked with an immediate Pavlovian response. This recording has been a Holy Grail of beat fiends -- except, it didn't exist in any commercial release of any kind. The wonderful folks at Ninja Tune worked with the Children's Television Workshop to stitch together the various counting segments into a proper song. I find it hilarious people having been trying to find this for so long, it's a jingle I too have been seeking without even knowing it. I'm pretty sure in the past couple years, if it's late enough and I am sufficiently fucked up, I've had that One Two Three FOUR FIVE sixseveneightnineten ELEVEN TWELVE thing richochet around my head for no good reason.

The Pointer Sisters - Pinball Number Count
**Buy it from Ninja Tune**



Link to this post
6/27/2005
Pitchfork Stalking Roundtable

Embarrasing and/or regrettable pictures of the Pitchfork staff abound on Friendster. Remember Friendster? Remember how it was fun for a minute and then everyone got tired of it and left their profiles in a state of update purgatory? Well, our crack reporters logged back in, so let's put a face to a favorite writer's name in this inaugural Banana Nutrament roundtable.

Rob Mitchum


Deirdre: He's posting on his Wittgenstein Lovers LiveJournal page.

Darnell: No, he's raising the Buy It Now! price on his exhaustive collection of Factory Records ephemera. Now he's taking the auction down entirely!

Miguel: Wrong, he's on the Genesis P-Orridge Meetup.com page organizing a flash mob.

Rating: 2.7


Rob Kleckner

Indeie: I really grok this seminal haircut reissue.

Miguel: This isn't such a great photo, but it does give us a rare glimpse into Pitchfork headquarters. Note the story assignments on the dry erase board.

Darnell: I didn't know they still made Tab.

Rating: 6.2


Julianne Shepherd


Gordo: There's a certain vibe here. I was thinking shy but spunky. Then it hit me. It's "Naughty Schoolgirl".

Miguel: Whoa.

Darnell: Yeah, definitely.

Deirdre: You lot are disgusting.

Indeie: Can you imagine the post-coital cigarette, running idle fingers through her hair as she expounds on the subtle intricacies of Sufjan Stevens' latest release?

Darnell: Or stencils "Aesop Rock" onto your limited edition titanium Trapper Keeper?

Deirdre: I'm going to give her a 0.0 just to round down your piggish scores.

Rating: 8.0


Nick Sylvester


Miguel: It looks like he just got back from some sweet ass rave with all the cool kids from ILM. The jocks couldn't even get in the door.

Gordo: He must have eaten some bum E pills.

Deirdre: Don't pull a Leah Betts, Nick!

Darnell: If I ever became a British trance DJ, that would be my name, DJ Leah Betts

Rating: 4.1


Ryan Schreiber

Indeie: This is an atrocity to mankind.

Miguel: Do you think he lost the foam sombrero that goes with that?

Indeie: It says he lives in McLean, VA. Something is amiss here.

Miguel: Maybe he telecommutes.

Rating: 0.0




Link to this post

6/24/2005
Finnish Fauna

This is a field recording of a player piano mired in a forgotten swamp. Buzzing around it is a patch of cicadas drowning in concrete. As their casts harden and their chitinous shells collapse inwards, they let out a final death keen. This recording is like some lumbering, hairy beast come back to life only to escape from the American Museum of Natural History's Asiatic wing for a trudge down to the Dakota.

Kemialliset Ystavat - Kuuma Tomu
Purchase it from Beta-lactam Ring Records


6/23/2005
Parochial Nimrods

My right ear is still a little off-kilter, so, as promised, here's some spoken tracks to enjoy. It takes a special sort of deviant mind to have mastered the art of prank calling to such an extent that you have a dedicated incoming phone number for fucking with people who call you. Longmont Potion Castle has been harassing the kindly folk of Colorado for years with wooly non-sequiturs and confused threats. In this recording he is called by a vitamin salesman who tries to work his "Always Be Closing" magic on a hot lead, only to be psychologically tortured for ten minutes. This is the perfect revenge scenario for getting back at stupid telemarketers and is reverse crank calling at its best. Longmont Potion Castle also recently appeared on a split 7" with parrot fronted death metal band Hatebeak.

Longmont Potion Castle - Vitamin Salesman
**Buy it at the Longmont Potion Castle site**


Matt Besser was served a grim fate, his New York City telephone number began receiving calls destined for a Houston AOL service center. Rather than change his home phone number, he began impersonating an AOL technician and started befuddling the minds of countless callers trying to fix their internet connection. Besser, a founding member of the UCB, began playing these reverse crank calls in his standup routine and eventually fleshed the whole thing out into a successful one man show. In this recording he pretends to be working for a cultish Christian answering service and is met by an incredulous caller.


Matt Besser - Hook It Up With Jesus
**Buy the CD from Matt Besser's site**
6/21/2005
Hassled by The Man

I decided to mosey on over to The Stone last night to catch this dude Jim O'Rourke. I really didn't know anything about him until Indeie posted this sweet track O'Rourke made in his old band. Then I found out he produced every Wilco album and I was all "whoa". I mapquested the venue and found out it was pretty close to me. Before I got there I dropped in on an old friend, some of you might know as Mr. C. This dude is a legend in the East Village because he's had his delivery service running straight for nine years without interruption. Translated into legal business years that would be like eighty dog years. I used to do some freelance work on the side for Charlie Chazz back when I rode a bike for Kozmo.com. One time I delivered a pint of Chocolate Brownie Fudge and an eighth of Alabaskan Thunderfuck to Ben Affleck. He was totally cool and invited me to hang out inside his apartment but then I got paged to deliver some DVDs. Anyway, Mr. C was glad to see me and we reminisced a little and I was on my way.

OK, so now for the show. When I got there nuthin was going on but I noticed three major rules:

No Alcohol Sales (lame)
No Cell Phones (schweet)
No Merch Table (whatever)

I got my hand stamped and went outside for a bit. I came back brown-bagging a Sammy Smith Nut Brown Ale but the Associate Music Curator caught me and made me pour it out in the street. When O'Rourke's set started everyone got real focused and tense so I just looked around with a smile beaming from cheek to cheek and lit up a fatty. I was forcibly removed by a guy in a black mock turtleneck and another dude ironically wearing a Don't Mess With Texas shirt.

Have you seen those Don't Mess with Texas t-shirts? What the hell is up with that tourism ad campaign? I Heart NY, Virginia is for Lovers, and DON'T FUCK WITH ME I'M TEXAS. I've got guns and I've been drinking bourbon all day. I just did a line of cocaine off an oil well spigot. I wear a ten gallon hat with a seven gallon hat hidden inside it. Did I mention I have guns? I don't like you Yankees with your lardy dar educations and fancy pantsbook larnin'. Don't mess with me man!

So I was hoping to do a review but I didn't get to hear anything. I guess to their credit they didn't call the cops or nuthin. OK, so I will just contribute some links that are burning up the Internet:


The Believer has a new issue out devoted to music. For eight bucks you get a CD of bands covering other bands and some schweet music criticism to boot. Y'know, the writing alone is worth the eight bucks so don't just buy it for the tunes.

CocoRosie - Ohio (Damien Jurado cover)
I'll be writing for these McSweeney's dudes soon enough

-
One time I was at a BBQ in Park Slope and I was sitting on this table with these chicks and this guy who was totally burnt. Maybe he was just drunk but he started his story with, "Did you ever see that New Yorker cartoon..". And then he just hung on that as if we knew which one he was talking about. Then he said something else so I guess he was just gathering his thoughts. I was very tempted to shout "Yeah, I know the one!". Anyway, this guy at the New Yorker did a great piece on how recording technology not only shapes what we hear but how people perform music in the first place. Very cool stuff.


The Record Effect from the Magazine with the Cartoons

-
This guy wrote a cool article on the death of mixtapes in a digital society where everyone is a douche dancing around with iPod buds in their ears. Yeah, I miss putting together a good mix where if you screwed up the pause you'd have to start all over.

High Fidelity from the Village Voice

That reminds me, years ago I sent my writing portfolio to this douche at the Voice named Robert Christgau. He sent it back to me with C- written on it. What a dick! He shall earn his comeuppance through the gift of song:

Sonic Youth - I Killed Christgau With My Big Fucking Dick

-
I found the link below funny because it's so true how bands get hyped and then five years later you're all "who the fuck are they?"

Hype Goggles

-
Last but not least is this Russian dude who is INSANELY AWESOME. He built a DJ rig out of two cassette tape players. I would love to get my hands on one of these. I could mix a '72 Morning dew into a '78 Scarlet Begonias and get all crazy on the decks. That reminds me, if anyone has crispy tapes from Bonnaroo, please e-mail me at nutramentgordo@gmail.com. I am a Maxell XL II-S man, but I have been meaning to upgrade to DAT for the longest time.

Russian cassette tape DJ





Grazing in Prospect Park Bandshell

Hugh Masekela is coming to Brooklyn on Thursday, June 23rd. I find it quite baffling that both BV left him out of his
Gothamist Weekly Shows update and the good folks at Oh My Rockness tout Saturday's New Pornogrophers/Stars free concert in the bandshell without so much as adding Masekela's gracing of our fine borough to the listings. Methinks radio silence on this important gig has something to do with indie rock's general disdain for jazz, unless it concerns an out of print LP of Sun Ra playing nose flute with Malcolm X's son-in-law. At least the grouches at New York Press caught notice.

Hugh Masekela is best known for his chart topping hit "Grazing in the Grass", but the South African trumpet player has also collaborated with Afrobeat superstars and worked tirelessly for the end of apartheid in his homeland. The other half of the bill is a screening of noted artist William Kentridge's Drawings for Projection. I don't know much about it, but I would imagine this animation with original score will be in the style of his portentous charcoal drawings.

Hugh Masekela - Grazing in the Grass
**Buy it from Tower Records**

Hugh Masekela - Mama (Metro Area Birthday Dub)
**Buy it from BestPrices**


Hugh Masekela and William Kentridge (screening) at Prospect Park Bandshell 7:30pm, Thursday June 24th
Map for the Prospect Park Bandshell
More information on Hugh Masekela

6/17/2005
Ninja Gaiden

Hey Indeie, your last post made me go all LMAOcopters, it must be tuff being stalked by the online paparazzi! I e-mailed your sister Frederika and she hooked me up with this old picture of you:





Looks like you were nurturing the scene at the '88 or '89 NinjaCon. Is that a +3 Kitana of Frost?


---


Fitting to this '80s mood is a jawn that sounds like from back in the day, but it was recorded only last year.

Afrika Bambaataa with Gary Numan and MC Chat - Metal
Pick it up from these cats




6/15/2005

Plunderphonica




Last chance to see John Oswald's work closing on June 25th at the Jack Shainman Gallery (513 West 20th Street). "Imposition" is a group show of Oswald, Pascal Grandmaison, and the inimitable Michael Snow. Oswald's major contribution is "Instandstillnessence", a multichannel 60 foot wide video installation of ghostly bodies chronoptically mutating into a mass of humanity.

John Oswald - Way (backwards appropriation of The Beatles)
John Oswald - Brazilianaire's Theme (clever reworking of Jobim)
Buy Oswald's 69 Plunderphonics 96 here, seeing as Kim's got raided

I took the liberty of transcribing some gallery notes from the gallery:

"Echoing Snow's "Imposition" in its use of transparency and superficially the slow speed of Bill Viola's recent work and Grandmaison's "Running", Oswald's images are in fact extremely active, with thousands of independent minute variations per second. Depicting people of all ages and races in its wide panorama, the work unfolds to reveal its subjects at various moments clothed and unclothed, isolated or as part of a growing and ghostly crowd. The people in it do nothing and go nowhere, yet are constantly changing. This is a movie which never moves; a still unfrozen."

Link to a review of the piece in a separate installation in Montreal.
Read more about John Oswald here

---

In other news, a paparazzo from the Polaroid Scene (or whatever they call themselves these days) seems to have snapped a candid picture of me at the Diesel-U-Music awards. The camera really does add ten pounds, but I think this photog's technical skill is admirable and it's a worthy document of the scene I help nurture.

Deaf Fresh Crew

As fate would have it, just as I'm looking to meet all the new visitors with some posts worth bookmarking, calamity strikes. The "LCD Soundboard for Losing My Edge" post has created a deluge of traffic, seeing as every hipster worth his LiveJournal is linking to it. So what happens? Right as I'm looking to embark upon a strict post a day regimen, I blow out an eardrum. I'm not sure if it was due to diving too deeply too quickly, getting a bad cold on vacation, or blowing my nose loud enough to be mistaken for a Dizzy Gillespie impersonator, but something ruptured and I'm at 50% hearing. We've posted some kooky shit on here before, but I assure you this is all true.

Writing an MP3 blog with hearing in only one ear is a bit like asking One-Eyed Pirate Pete to review a 3D movie. If the damage is permanent I might hang up my shingle for good purely out of spite. In the meantime, maybe I'll switch over to a guest blogger format, review some spoken word (!), or just hope everyone else carries the weight (hint, hint). Just so you know in case you're wondering why we're dark for a while.

The good news is that Flavor Flav was on my return flight home. Saw him on the plane pissing off everyone in first class by pretty much refusing to sit down for the entirety of the flight. Caught him at baggage check and shook his hand. It was very cool of him to pal around with and take pictures with all the uniformed enlisted men and women on leave from Iraq; and yes, he does wear a clock even in his personal life. Dude is never off. The only problem with having him on the flight was my realization that if the plane went down, the headline would read "Flavor Flav Dies in Airline Disaster". I'm guessing a lot of my friends would have heard about it on TV or the Internet and would go, "Damn, Flavor Flav died?". Then a little later phone calls would go out and word would get round that I too would have perished, and everyone would be all, "Wow, Miggy died too? I can't believe he's dead". Then later in the day my friends would be all somber and reflective and go, "I can't believe Flavor Flav is really gone".

6/14/2005
Most Retarded Names in Hip Hop


Example



Glock Snuggle
Holme$killz
MC Paul Barman
Lil' Lil' and the Whiffleballerz
Wacky Dee
Johnny Crack
Pete Rocks
DJ Weehawken
MPThreepeeio (RJD2 opening support)
Babydaddyface
MC Gang Signs
Plus Syze
MC Pee Pants
Kith Withperth (say out loud)
Jasper Jawns
Da Holla Twins
Jigaboo Anyhoo



Roxanne Shante & Biz Markie - Def Fresh Crew
These two legends have dope names, and you can buy this here





6/13/2005
Haunted Beats

The recent resurgence of interest in Arthur Russell has been met with enough comps and reissues to sate the public's newfound appetite for his unique avant sounds. Still, when I stumbled across this track by Russell's frequent collaborator and co-producer Nicky Siano, I felt something like an archaeologist tripping over a relic left behind after the excavation. While Siano's work is wholly his own, it's still firmly within the framework of the Sleeping Bag sound he helped create.

Nicky Siano - Move
Visit his website here
**Buy Nicky Siano's The Gallery here**


Siano initiates the proceedings with flashing strobes of tambourine, as if calling down an invocation to a shamanic rite. Breathy exhortations to move coupled with jungle animal vocalizations lay down the sultry but propulsive atmospherics. I can remember
looking at the distant New York City skyline as a kid in the mid-80s, at that time it was a mean, bad place with lots of interesting people, and had you told me this was playing at some steamy East Village party, I would have believed it. It's somewhat sad listening to this, as it is not only comes from another era, but from a period that will not likely return. Much has been said about the corporatization of New York City and many have waxed sentimental on how things were "back in the day", I won't get into that, but it is troublesome how all the major artists New Yorkers swoon over are transplants from other parts of the country or other corners of the world. Washington might be the seat of government, but New York is the seat of culture, or at least a major one, and there is very little homegrown talent bubbling up from the sidewalk these days. I'm certainly not counting NYU dorm room bands emulating the StrokesInterpolKillers axis, and I guess there are people in the Brooklyn fringes making interesting sounds, but how many are in it for the long term? I won't be a total pedant and work in the analogy of late period Rome's fall being hastened by it's unwillingness to produce anything original from within itself, but it goes without saying that New York would be a more exciting place to live if it produced a few more truly native artists like Siano rather than being a stage for those imported from elsewhere. Or I could be completely wrong, and in 2025 DJ's will be unearthing NYC's finest current day musicians.


---


Theo Parrish - Blue Out

"Blue Out" isn't my most cherished Theo Parrish cut, but it is his most accessible work and a good introduction to his sound. In his songs he builds a natural bridge between early house music and modern soul, sort of a Farley Jackmaster Funk by way of the new millenium. I particularly love the interplay between the somber synth background and the hyperkinetic keys catching their own tail, almost like a conversation between an old man and his rambunctious grandson.

**Buy from Sound Signature's online store**
**Buy Theo Parrish records at MusicStack**
Here's a link for the APT DJ lineup, he had a monthly party there, but I don't see anything for June

6/09/2005
LCD Soundboard
"Losing My Edge" lyrics now with sound for the age of HTML. This took too long to complete and could quite possibly be one of the nerdiest things I've ever done. At least some other poor sap out there in the ether transcribed the lyrics, I don't think I would have ever gotten that far. Still, this is a better ass-kissing than six weeks of consecutive Tricia Romano writeups. I hope this doesn't make me a fanboy.. shout to Gripper

Losing My Edge

Yeah, I'm losing my edge.
I'm losing my edge.
The kids are coming up from behind.
I'm losing my edge.
I'm losing my edge to the kids from France and from London.
But I was there.

I was there in 1968.
I was there at the first Can show in Cologne.
I'm losing my edge.
I'm losing my edge to the kids whose footsteps I hear when they get on the decks.
I'm losing my edge to the Internet seekers who can tell me every member of every good group from 1962 to 1978.
I'm losing my edge.

To all the kids in Tokyo and Berlin.
I'm losing my edge to the art-school Brooklynites in little jackets and borrowed nostalgia for the unremembered eighties.

But I'm losing my edge.
I'm losing my edge, but I was there.
I was there.
But I was there.

I'm losing my edge.
I'm losing my edge.
I can hear the footsteps every night on the decks.
But I was there.
I was there in 1974 at the first Suicide practices in a loft in New York City. I was working on the organ sounds with much patience.
I was there when Captain Beefheart started up his first band. I told him, "Don't do it that way. You'll never make a dime."
I was there.
I was the first guy playing Daft Punk to the rock kids. I played it at CBGB's. Everybody thought I was crazy.
We all know.
I was there.
I was there.

I've never been wrong.
I used to work in the record store.
I had everything before anyone.
I was there in the Paradise Garage DJ booth with Larry Levan.
I was there in Jamaica during the great sound clashes.
I woke up naked on the beach in Ibiza in 1988.
But I'm losing my edge to better-looking people with better ideas and more talent.
And they're actually really, really nice.

I'm losing my edge.

I heard you have a compilation of every good song ever done by anybody. Every great song by the Beach Boys. All the underground hits. All the Modern Lovers tracks. I heard you have a vinyl of every Niagra record on German import. I heard that you have a white label of every seminal Detroit techno hit - 1985, '86, '87. I heard that you have a CD compilation of every good '60s cut and another box set from the '70s.

I hear you're buying a synthesizer and an arpeggiator and are throwing your computer out the window because you want to make something real. You want to make a Yaz record.

I hear that you and your band have sold your guitars and bought turntables.
I hear that you and your band have sold your turntables and bought guitars.

I hear everybody that you know is more relevant than everybody that I know.

But have you seen my records?

This Heat, Pere Ubu, Outsiders, Nation of Ulysses, Mars, The Trojans, The Black Dice, Todd Terry, the Germs, Section 25, Althea and Donna, Sexual Harrassment, a-ha, Pere Ubu, Dorothy Ashby, PIL, the Fania All-Stars, the Bar-Kays, the Human League, the Normal, Lou Reed, Scott Walker, Monks, Niagra, Joy Division, Lower 48, the Association, Sun Ra, Scientists, Royal Trux, 10cc, Eric B. and Rakim, Index, Basic Channel, Soulsonic Force ("just hit me"!), Juan Atkins, David Axelrod, Electric Prunes, Gil! Scott! Heron!, the Slits, Faust, Mantronix, Pharaoh Sanders and the Fire Engines, the Swans, the Soft Cell, the Sonics, the Sonics, the Sonics, the Sonics.

You all know what you really want. (x15)


LCD Soundsystem is appearing at Webster Hall in NYC with The Juan MacLean this Friday, June 10th. They also will be performing along with Interpol as opening acts for The Pixies at Jones Beach on Tuesday, June 14th.



6/08/2005
Pete Doherty vs. Franz Ferdinand

A tiff between Pete Doherty and Franz Ferdinand has been recently reported on the newswires. It seems Pete has blasted FF for stealing the central riff of "Take Me Out" from none other than Ringo Starr and his 1972 hit "Back Off Boogaloo". When I first read this I was torn. I know where my allegiance lies, yet I have a Jellybean Magazine photo spread of Alex Kapranos taped up on my bedroom wall next to my Libertines collages. I decided to wade through Grandfather's comprehensive Beatles and Wings record collection to see if he had the song in question.


Ringo Starr - Back Off Boogaloo
Find it Here

I am not going to post "Take Me Out" for comparison, as you can just see it in an advert if you watch enough telly. Alex, why have you done this to me? You would have made a perfectly capable fallback boyfriend, but now you have betrayed me. Oh, who am I kidding? I would have heard similarities even if Pete had directed us to a symphonic rendition of the Dr. Who theme. Pete, YOU AND YOUR POTENT SEED WILL SIRE A BROOD OF SHOCKHEADED BABIES WITH ME. DO NOT RESIST OUR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER.

6/06/2005
White Stripes -- White Light, No Heat



Going out on a date at the local indie club? Better rock that black leather Members Only jacket with a Crest White Strip. And ladies, what matches a white belt better than sparkling pearly teeth?

White Stripes - Party of Special Things to Do
*Find it here*
*Order their new release Get Behind Me Satan*

If you're going out to a party, or have some special things to do, don't beef, have heart! Crest is gettin' fonky this Summer by gettin' down with the jammy sound. Blues, man, that's what's it all about. You'll have the blues too if your infected gums aren't treated immediately. Didja even know what Jack and Meg White got their dope cognomens from? That's right, it's their dazzling chompers. Peace out.




6/05/2005
Brooklyn Keeps On Taking It

Prospect Park was besieged by the Brooklyn Best festival this past weekend. It was sort of a crazy quilt of readings, outdoor screenings, bands, and excuses to see your neighbors.

Saturday night met us with the Brooklyn Museum First Night, and having not seen the Basquiat exhibit, I thought I'd poke my head in late to get a quick, free look. Turns out they closed a number of exhibits way early and incited a near-riot of people getting shut out of certain galleries. On the way over I caught a quick look at the Star Wars screening in the park. Caught a little cantina band and the revisionist, kid-friendly take on Greedo's demise.

Now did I learn from going to Saatchi's Sensation! at the Brooklyn Museum on the last day of the show? Did I learn from being shunted through a line that nearly stretched through Washington Avenue? No, so Sunday the wee one and I headed out early to check out Basquiat. Guess what? Half of the museum is inaccessible to strollers, though the website says otherwise. Owned by the BMA twice in two days.


Big boss man was a little bored with Baquiat's early work



A few of the better post-1982 pieces caught his attention though
 
Gray - Drum Mode
*Buy it from Amazon*

Here's one of the few extent recordings from Gray, a band Basquiat played in and posthumously made famous by association. Warning
: Vincent Gallo is involved in this.



Rammelzee vs K-Rob - Beat Bop
*Buy it from Amazon*

Original vinyl copies of the Basquiat produced "Beat Bop" go for over $1,000 on the open market. Sure, art world completists might be driving the price up, but this is a "mandatory listening" hip hop classic.


Before leaving for the museum we saw resident slimeball cheerleader Marty Markowitz on NY1 hawking a bike race to Coney Island and an "indie competition" at Grand Army Plaza. He answered the confused reporter's look with a clarification of "you know, one of those indie rock band competitions". I had Markowitz's number a few years ago when I saw him on the news wearing a polo shirt and slacks to a cop funeral. Classy.


Listen to 33HZ here
Courtesy of Stereogum


After the museum the Wonderbun and I passed through a Krush Groove from headliners 33HZ, a band that will surely be loved by the fauxhawk set. Dude really know how to jam out on the Casio keytar. All joking aside, these guys ignited the crowd with their pastiche Prince-isms and synthetic white boy funk. Kiddo Badiddo liked what he saw but offered they rocked out harder at Piano's last month.



6/04/2005
Checkmate Bf4 to Nxa7

Although I declined to attend, my Boredoms request has made me quite the Internet celebrity. The kindly people at Craigslist have thanked me for my efforts, I have won the admiration of Boredoms sites and message boards the world over, including lesser web sites not worth linking to. While many tried baiting me with ad hominem attacks, there was only one slimy troll worth responding to. He foolishly thought he could engage me in a game of mental chess with an opening salvo of profanity laced impiety. I responded with a crippling checkmate.


Primal Scream - Kill All Hippies
Buy it here





6/03/2005
Thus Spake Banana Nutrament

Big up to Brooklyn Vegan for punting over more traffic in five minutes than comes our way in five weeks. Either that or it's a slow news day. I'll lay off the meat tonight, hell, it's Friday and I am Catholic.

Silver Apples - Oscillations
*Buy it from Aquarius Records*
*More information on Silver Apples*

A classic record fetishized by lovers of analog synthesizers and weirdness in general, Silver Apples self-titled debut is a mind melting fusion of pop hooks and off-kilter dissonance. The ghostly vocals and evocatively primitive technology make this 1968 work a not-to-be-missed artifact from the psychedelic era. This is a prime example of experimental music that actually goes somewhere, rather than being the product of sticking one's own thumb up one's ass and waiting for the government art grant money to roll in. Apparently 20 Jazz Funk Greats has been rocking Silver Apples in his DJ sets, good for him.

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Exkurs - Fakten Sind Terror
*Buy it from Other Music*

It's not a Two-for-Tuesday but we'll do a double Kraut dip and follow up yesterday's Kraftwerk with the angular stomp of "Fakten Sind Terror" by the Exkurs. I didn't glean this one from the dust and cobwebs, the work has been done for us by the fine people behind the essential Teutonik Disaster compilations. These lovely documents bring together all kinds of schizoid sounds from Deutschland in the early 80's, revealing eerie parallels with NYC's post-punk, no wave, and dance community undergrounds. "Fakten Sind Terror" has a groove funkier than James Chance pounded flat into a schnitzel.

6/02/2005
I Must Get Back to Hammerstein Ballroom in Stuttgart in Time to See Kraftwerk


Fourth time they played New York City? Well, I wouldn't have gone had a friend not raved about their performace at Coachella last Summer. He proved himself right, here's the breakdown of Wednesday night's show:



You can just about make it out, check the four sleek PowerBooks crisply laid out on daises, tantalizing us before they come out.



I'm not sure what his name was, but of all of them he got the most applause when they came out. Kind of looks like that guy from Sprockets. So far, this has been twice as exciting as Blue Man Group.



Right around here they took a break from the chilly Krautfunk and launched into a cover of "Planet Rock"! I was really hoping Afrika Bambaataa would jump out from behind the stage or maybe some of the Kraftwerk dudes would start rapping. No dice.



When this went up on the video screen people went apeshit cheering and screaming. It was like being pushed through a wind tunnel made up of bullhorns.



After I got home I realized I had a little bit left on my camera's memory stick, so I snapped a picture of the blog for posterity's sake. Ideally I'd be taking a picture of this post, thereby setting up a sweet infinite recursion. But I don't have time for those kinds of shenanigans.

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Kraftwerk - Aerodynamik (Francois K Aero Mix)
*Buy it from Nuloop*
This was recorded in 2003 and remixed by Francois K a year later. Damn, these guys never fell off.


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Kraftwerk - Numbers
*Buy it from Amazon*

Though its appeal is undeniable, "Numbers" was sold through to me by a coworker a few years back. He was a great guy to work with, my only gripe was that with him being an African-American, everyone at work accepted anything he said without question. My refutation of his claim that The Crips were named after Tales From the Crypt fell on deaf ears, rankling me quite a bit. He was dead on right though when he brought us the Computer World CD and announced that "Numbers" was the greatest rollerskating jam ever. You've got to be doing something right when you can convince a team of paralegals to pause from working, lean down low, and waggle their arms everytime the synth breakdown comes on at the end.
6/01/2005
Darkness and the Light

A certain Nintendo hockey cartridge once famously devoted 75% of its paltry ROM to the opening refrain of "Blades of Steel" uttered by a distended electronic sportscaster. Much of Jesse Rose's Let's Start Again EP purrs and bloops with the electrohustle of distorted, twitchy samples, as if Rygar, Mega Man, that dude from Castlevania, and all the cool NES characters were partying it up in the production suite. Not so with his final track, the woozily infectious "Black Coffee".

Jesse Rose - Black Coffee
*Buy it from Juno*
*More about Jesse Rose here*

This dark gem juxtaposes crisp beat programming with a sultry female wail and background strings
firing like frayed synapses. Perfect 5 AM music for a pre-dawn stumble.

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Brennan Green cobbled together a track that is almost the diametrical oppostite to Rose's "Black Coffee". Here he remixes EPOD's "The Pursuit" with soulful aplomb, meshing wistful Rhodes lines with the original's spirited choruses. Why is it that naive happy house sounds like so much dreck, while the best stuff is made up of party sounds sustained by a certain longing
(a la Larry Heard) or sadness? Is it a fairer take on the ups and downs of our lives? Brennan Green DJs every second Thursday at his Pop Your Funk affair at NYC's APT.

EPOD - The Pursuit (Brennan Green's Trackdown)
*Buy it from Coco Machete*